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Gents! 4 Steps to Restoring Sexual Function

    Intercourse can be an essential component to your sexual life. Have you ever lost your erection and felt totally out-of-control of your sexuality? No, no! At GetLusty, we've been there. We don't want to experience the same confusion and simply--sadness. Expert on erectile dysfunction (ED), Dr. Joel Block, offers advice on how to overcome ED and restore a healthy love life by using real examples. Don't let ED hold you back from an amazing sexual relationship.

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    “Alice and I stopped having sex five years ago,” says Jeff, 52. “I had a few episodes of ED, once unable to get an erection, once losing it as soon as I got it. She assured me it didn’t matter, and, since our sex life had been going downhill for years, I believed her. I thought it didn’t matter that much to me either. We kept to our separate sides of the bed. Without telling her, I masturbated once or twice a week. I had another erection problem, and we decided to see a therapist together. Therapy was good for us. We forged a closer, more intimate connection to each other than we’d had since the early days when we were struggling and the kids were babies. Once we got closer, the ED thing didn’t happen again. My erections are pretty good, partly because we’ve opened up our lovemaking style.”

    For Jeff, therapy was the ED remedy. Depending on the cause of ED, there are several ways of treating it but in any case, here are some first aid tips:

    #1 If you lose your erection, let it go

    "The first few times I lost an erection during intercourse, I grabbed my penis and desperately trying to get hard again," says James, 51. "It didn't happen. My wife commiserated with me. Sex was over. Then I tried something different. When I felt my erection going, I pulled out before she could notice or respond, and began performing cunnilingus on her. That has become my pattern now for handling the unexpected soft spots. Usually I get hard again. Even if I don't, I have satisfied her, which makes me feel good."

    #2 Concentrate on pleasing your partner

    James's approach, performing cunnilingus when his erection falters, is a good one. When a man forgets his own perceived "problem" and concentrates on giving his partner pleasure, he relieves his performance anxiety. And he creates a win–win situation. Maybe he will get his erection back, but even if he doesn't, he will feel good about himself as a lover.

    #3 Use a partial erection to good advantage

    Paul, 46, says: "When I feel my erection subsiding during intercourse, I pull out, take my penis in hand and get creative. Grasping my member firmly, I stimulate my wife's clitoris with the head, brushing it back and forth, often bringing her to orgasm this way. Sometimes I use the head of my penis to stroke her inner thighs or her nipples. Often, I get really hard this way. We both enjoy penis play."

    Some men can also have intercourse with a partial erection by holding the base of the penis firmly as they thrust. You don't need a full erection to make love with your penis. Experiment with ways of stimulating your partner with the erection you have.

    #4 Don't blame your partner

    When experiencing hurt pride after an erectile failure, a man might lash out at his partner and accuse her of failing to arouse him sufficiently. Don't do that. Not only will you hurt her and invite a defensive assault but you'll only feel worse about yourself later. Once a couple has started a cycle of blaming, it's hard to break free and move to a place of acceptance and understanding. Let down the barriers and share your fears and concerns with her, without blaming her or yourself. Some men find it more difficult to talk about their erection problems than about their emotions. For them, a savvy and understanding woman can make the difference between a frustrating sexual future and a transition into another, less erection-based kind of lovemaking.

    Joel D. Block, Ph.D., is an award-winning psychologist-excellence in couple therapy-practicing couple and sex therapy on Long Island, New York. Board Certified in Couple therapy by the American Board of Professional Psychology, Dr. Block is a senior psychologist on the staff of the North Shore-Long Island Jewish Medical Center and an Assistant Clinical Professor (Psychology/Psychiatry) at the Hofstra North Shore-LIJ Medical School.

    For 20 years he was the training supervisor of the Sexuality Center at Long Island-Jewish Medical Center. Dr. Block is the author of over 20 books on Love and Sex, his specialty. Check out for more information.
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