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Camille Crimson on How To Receive A Blowjob Respectfully (NSFW)

    Is there a way to receive head respectfully? Our favorite blowjob guru, Camille Crimson, offers her expertise. Camille already recommended ladies (or gents) to give good head (and even given her best blowjob recommendations). Camille is here to give men advice on how to make it clear to your partner that you would love a blowjob, while still remaining a respectful and caring lover. We all love blowjobs, guys, and this article offers great tips on how you and your partner can use blowjobs to show (and accept) the love between you and your partner.

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    I spend my days focused on blowjobs. Really. I shoot blowjob videos with my long-term partner to be featured on our two fellatio-oriented sites—The Art of Blowjob and Slow Motion Blowjob. I write a tremendous amount about my experience as a feminist making (blowjob) porn and I wind up giving a lot of advice about the ins and outs of blowjobs. You’d be hard-pressed to find someone who spends more time thinking about the oral arts. 
    Of course, I spend a good chunk of time thinking about how much I enjoy them and how to best share that with the world but, as with anyone who puts that kind of complex and personal content into the world, I also get a tremendous amount of response to what I do. Time and time again, I encounter men who just want to reconcile their good guy-dom with enjoying getting a blowjob, and why shouldn’t they?

    There are a tremendous amount of unpleasant blowjob tropes out there in the porn world. That was a huge reason for me to focus on the niche. It’s surprisingly hard to find a video of a woman really enjoying herself while giving a blowjob without using sensationalistic and not necessarily sex-positive wording. Mostly it’s a lot of gagging and choking or just phoning it in. There isn’t anything wrong with that per say, especially when framed in a clearly consensual context, but it’s certainly not the ideal experience for a lot of men or women and yet it’s the dominant portrayal of a pretty common sex act.
    The reason I bring this up is because it colors a lot of the thoughts one has when thinking about blowjobs. While he can easily surmise, whether through personal experience or intimation, that it feels pretty amazing to have someone’s mouth on his penis, the idea can also conjure up fear of seeming inherently disrespectful or having a partner who isn’t really into it. I feel like the best way to ward off these feelings is to look at the way you ask for what you want. It goes without saying that you should avoid coercive statements, but you should also be able to explain what it is that makes a blowjob important to you.

    I know that sounds a bit like an essay question, but the more you can honestly communicate what feels good for you in a way that is sexy and direct, the more people will be inclined to be both personally invested and turned-on by the prospect. There is also concern stemming from the notion that blowjobs are a one-way sex act and that many people feel that’s a bad thing.

    I tend to respond to these concerns in two equally important ways: first, that many people find giving pleasure very arousing and second, that there are lots of ways to give back. People often assume that the typical protocol is oral sex for oral sex, but that creates assumptions about what your partner may want. Whether it’s a new flame or someone you know very well, asking what makes them feel good yields some very useful information and shows that you care about actually making them feel good instead of just adhering to a sexual script.

    When it comes to longer term relationships, sometimes it’s hard to ask for a blowjob, especially if your partner has become less sexual over the years. This is where things get more delicate. It’s important to keep in mind that routines aren’t easily broken and patterns don’t shift overnight, but having ongoing respectful talks about ways to feel more fulfilled in your relationship in general will open up the floor to discuss sexual issues, including blowjobs. Sometimes doctors or therapists can help with larger hormonal or emotional issues, but it does all start with a commitment from both sides to be open-minded and understanding in an effort to find common ground.

    Another thing that feels like a huge deal is when you want a rougher blowjob. Just as coming out about any kink, it’s hard to rationalize these desires to yourself, let alone anybody else. The best thing you can do is to contextualize the desire as sexual, be amenable to starting out with just a little experimentation, be aware that this may not be a frequent occurrence and spend time working out safety together as a team. If you are a respectful person and you go out of your way to make that clear, fantasy can be fun and most people are open to trying it with the right framing. You may not get everything you want at the beginning, and being accepting of that is a big part of being a good guy about getting a blowjob. Some people will gladly jump right in, and you can take this with a grain of salt, but that’s not everyone’s natural inclination. If you find yourself with someone who is having a harder time with it, try to understand and be patient. Not everything comes easily, but it’s certainly worth the wait.
    Above all else, make your partner feel sexy and wanted. This isn’t just about you getting a sensation you like, it’s about wanting that sensation from them. Being genuinely happy to be with them and excited to be giving as well is so sexy, and it’s valuable in and of itself. All of this builds upon itself, creating a relationship where passion can grow, people feel safe and you’re both encouraged to explore.

    Cross-posted with permission from the Good Men Project (originally posted there).

    Camille Crimson specializes in sexuality, feminism, oral sex, and creating and marketing beautiful porn. Her websites The Art of the Blowjob and Slow Motion Blowjob are full of exquisite photo and video shoots that showcase "the subversive yet natural subject we all love: sex". On top of being a versatile business woman, Camille plays guitar, loves horror movies, and has recently gotten into motorcycles. Follow Camille on Twitter @CamilleCrimson.
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