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7 Steps to Giving a Loving Sensual Massage







    Sexual adventures don't just involve new positions, toys and fantasies. Sometimes a sensual touch or sensation is just as pleasurable as the act of sex itself. A massage is not just a nice thing to do once in awhile for your partner. In fact, giving someone a massage is so intimate and full of love that the sex that may follow will be even more intense and passionate. This is the season of giving. Why not give your partner a loving sensual massage this weekend? Whether or not sex does follow, the act of the massage is the perfect way to just say "I love you." Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D. and Rob Alex, M.Sc., our favorite sensual advisers, report.

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    There is often a bit of a joke about women wanting a back rub or a foot rub before or after sex. Giving someone a back rub can most certainly lead to sexual intimacy whether or not you are already in a relationship. If giving your beloved a back rub can lead to more exciting adventures, then how about going a step further and giving him/her a full body sensual massage? Unsure of just how to go about that? Keep reading!

    #1 Preparation 

    * Make sure your hands are clean and your nails trimmed and smooth. (You may choose to go a step further and share a shower or bath together first. You can even wash each other.)

    * Both of you should remove your jewelry.

    * Place two sheets or blankets on the bed, the floor or a massage table if you happen to have one. If the room is cool, be sure to use a blanket or flannel sheets. Your lover will lie between these two sheets/blankets.

    * Do your best to adjust the temperature of the room to around 70°.

    * Have a pillow (a roll pillow if possible) to place under the backs of his/her knees when on the back and under the fronts of the ankles when on the stomach.

    * You might want to gather some rose petals (or other flower petals) to rub across your lover’s skin as you massage him/her.

    * Set the lighting low, use soft music, and add a gentle scent such as lavender or use lightly scented oil.

    * Be certain your goal is to honor your sweetheart. Focus on giving to him/her. The ultimate goal isn’t really about sex, but instead communicating to your partner how you feel about him/her through touch. If this leads to lovemaking, then go for it. Just don’t offer a sensual massage with that as your sole purpose.

    #2 Get naked

    Since this is a private and loving sensual massage both of you should become fully naked. This is another good reason to adjust the room temperature. You may choose to blindfold your partner. When one of the senses is taken out of the equation the other senses are heightened. This can enhance the massage. Yet, you may also choose to use body parts other than your hands to massage your lover. If you do that, it can be quite visually stimulating to allow your lover to watch you oil the part of your body you are going to use on him/her.

    #3 Start with the back

    The normal order of giving a massage starts with your partner lying face down and you begin rubbing the back. Only uncover that area so as to keep your lover warm. If you are massaging the back, then fold the top sheet to his/her waist. Typically, you will move from the back, to the legs and then the feet. Oh, don’t forget the buttocks. But, remember not to get carried away. This isn’t about copping a feel.

     Remember to respect your lover and give him/her the pleasure he/she desires. Have your partner turn over and then work more on the legs and feet. Then move to the arms, hands, neck, and shoulders. **Throughout the entire massage always maintain contact with your lover’s body even when moving the sheet and moving to a different part of his/her body. And, warm the oil in your hands before placing it upon your sweetie’s vulnerable skin. As you begin your massage be sure to start out with a light gentle touch. You may choose to increase pressure as you proceed.

    #4 Be present and fully aware

    It is very important to pay attention to your sweetie. Watch his/her body to see how it responds to your touch. Are those goose bumps from being cold or from the way you are touching that beautiful body? Listen to his/her responses. Are those moans of relaxation or as you continue do they become moans of sexual pleasure? Or, on the other hand is your partner trying to let you know he/she is uncomfortable? This experience is far more enjoyable for you both if you stay in the moment – stay present. If what you have to do at work pops into your head, recognize it, appreciate it, then take a deep breath and let it go as you exhale. Refocus on the body beneath your hands.

    #5 Use your body 

    Using your forearm, your feet, your lips, your tongue, your face, your chest, your buttocks, or your genitalia can add a whole new level to the massage. As mentioned above, allowing your lover to watch you oil some of these areas on your body prior to rubbing them all over him/her can be very erotic. Don’t leave out the other tools your body possesses.

    #6 Overlooked places 

    You can give him/her a scalp massage. This is beautiful tension reliever. Gently rubbing and lightly scratching stimulates the scalp and increases the energy flow. This truly can bring your partner to a state of blissful relaxation. Your lover may also enjoy you rubbing your thumbs gently inside the ear. For many people, the inside as well as the outside of the ear offers very erotic sensations. If your partner is open to a chest massage, gently move yours hands in circling motions over the breasts. Move your hands in opposite directions moving away from each other. After seven or eight circles reverse directions.

     Also, don’t forget the inside of the upper arm, the inner wrist, the backs of the knees, and the palms. Oh wait, there is more. How about his/her face, the collarbone (can be quite sensitive as the skin is so thin there), and around the anklebones – inside and outside of ankle. If your lover is comfortable with it, you can massage the gluteal cleft (the butt crack). Start at the top with small clockwise circles. Then begin to stroke up and down the cleft. Also, consider massaging around the outside of the anus without penetration.

    #7 Moving to erotic massage  

    The gluteal cleft leads us to taking this sensual massage to the next level. Massaging your partner’s genitals may seem obvious, but again do this with your focus being on honoring his/her body and communicating through touch how you feel about it. Massaging the g-spot or the prostate can be a climatic end to the massage your offer your lover.

    These quick tips can get your started on your adventurous journey of sharing a sensual massage with your lover. We hope you take them to heart and enjoy them.


    Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D. and Rob Alex, M.Sc. are writers, counselors as well as Sacred and Sensual Teachers. They recently completed an eBook called "Sexy Challenges: Sacred and Sensual Experiences for Lovers" which is on sale at Amazon! Learn more about them at Inward Oasis.
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