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5 Reasons Couples Seek Sex Therapy



    At GetLusty for Couples, we understand the importance of therapy. Whether you're using it individually or as a couple, therapy (including sex therapy) can improve your relationship by leaps and bounds. We know--we've used therapy. Why might you use sex therapy? Our favorite LA Sex Therapist, Moushumi Ghose, is here to answer just that.

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    Sex therapy is a specialized form of psychotherapy and often times a very core and central part of couples therapy. Sex is intrinsically woven into our relationships so it only makes sense that it couples, or individuals within intimate relationships are highly likely to seek out sex therapy to address their relationship, love and intimacy concerns. Sex therapy is a great arena for couples to develop an intimate language that works for them that also allows for growth.

    Unfortunately, too often couples seek out sex therapy once there is already a big problem. The reason the couple is seeking therapy is generally because there is some unbalance, a discrepancy in what either partner wants and the two individuals are having a hard time coming to and agreeing on a middle ground. Since differences are a normal occurrence in relationships, acceptance, understanding and communication are other common threads, which are addressed in couples therapy to help bridge the gap.

    There is also quite often blame in this imbalance, a tendency to point the finger and make one person the “bad guy” or the fault holder of the relationship. There are a few common things I see in my office, why couples seek out sex therapy.

    One of the goals of sex therapy is to undo the finger pointing, recognize there is no “normal” or “expected” outcome for the way either partner “should” or “should not” be when it comes to sexuality.

    Here are 5 common issues I see and how sex therapy may be beneficial in treating these issues.

    #1 My wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, partner wants sex more (or less) than I do.

    The disparaging sexual desire levels is probably the single most biggest reason couples come in for sex therapy. Sex therapy can help the couple to remember or recognize there is no “normal” amount couples are supposed to have sex. Couples can also become aware of, comfortable with their sexuality, what turns them off, what turns them off, developing a language in which to communicate sexually with each other. Another important facet sex therapy can help with is to uncover any issues, which may be preventing either partner from being sexually open with their partner, or breaking down the relationship resulting in lack of sex, such as lack of trust, anger, depression, body image, stress, and so forth. Communication on how to negotiate a common ground is also a big focus.

    #2 I just don't get turned on by my partner anymore. I can no longer orgasm. I just don't feel very sexual.

    The theme here is the loss of desire towards a long-term partner. Sex therapy can help couples to recognize their own sexuality levels, that arousal ebbs and flows, particularly in long-term relationships. Sex therapy can help couples connect in new ways, when old ways have lost their excitement.

    #3 My partner is a swinger, is polyamorous, wants an open relationship, or a three some and I don't know how I feel about this.

    Dissonance between lifestyle choices, needs and desires is a very common reason for people to enter into my office. Sex therapy can help couples address misconceptions or ideas they have about lifestyles. Couples can begin to understand what is comfortable from them and learn to negotiate a common ground.

    #4 I fantasize about [insert personal fetish here: men, women, being raped, large cocks] and cannot share this with my partner.

    Shame is a big part of what couples can work through in sex therapy. Sex therapy is a great place to get a corrective emotional experience towards our fetishes, our fantasies, desires, and develop a language to express our sexual desires. Sex therapy can help with learning to accept often more taboo subjects such as masturbation as well.

    #5 My partner spends too much time watching porn.

    This is becoming more and more common in sex therapy. Sex therapy can help couples understand if a certain behavior is within normal practice, as much of porn watching can be or if it is something that might be more compulsive or obsessive in the case of a porn addiction. Addiction is highly subjective as well, so helping the couples decide what is acceptable and what is not acceptable are key points they can address in sex therapy.

    All in all, there are a gamut of reasons couples may want to enter into sex therapy. I highly encourage couples to enter into sex therapy as a form of premarital counseling as well. One doesn’t need to have a specific issue in order to develop effective ways of discussing the more intimate aspects of your relationship. After all, sex and relationships is not something that necessarily comes with a handbook, so why not get the tools ahead of time, before it’s too late?

    This is a guest post from the well acclaimed Moushumi Ghose.

    Moushumi Ghose is a Sex Therapist, Educator and Coach, Radio Host, Musician, and Filmmaker. She is licensed by the California Board of Behavioral  Science. She is a member of AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists). Moushumi also has extensive experience working with a variety of populations and diverse lifestyles.

    Moushumi recently completed an eBook on, "Marriage, Money and Porn." and writes extensively for numerous other sites ranging from Men's Fitness Magazine to GoodTherapy.org. Find her on Twitter @MoushumiAmourFacebook and her website LASexTherapist.com.

    Don't forget to comment below! Questions for Moushumi or another professional across our network? Send them over to reply@getlusty.com and we'll get them answered!
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