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3 Ways to Express Your Sexual Needs

    Today, it's all about getting reader questions answered. We heard about how to bring BDSM into bed, now what about when it's getting too robotic. No, seriously. What about when sex becomes routine? How can you express your sexual needs? It's happened to all couples, but how do you stop this in its tracks--and express yourself better? GetLusty's resident gay dating expert J. Cameron answers exactly this.  

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    Dear GetLusty for Couples,

    I love my boyfriend with all my heart! He is the first guy I have ever been exclusive with since I came out of the closet.

    Sex is good for the most part and I understand the need for an aggressive ground and pound every now and then but sometimes, I really need him to slow it down. I am starting to feel disconnected and sort of robotic when we get to business. What can I do to express my needs without hurting his feelings?

    Knowing We Can Have More

    Dear Knowing We Can Have More,

    Thank you for reaching out. It sounds like you really do care for your boyfriend. I’m guessing that sex is an emotional experience for you and you are looking for a little more variety so you can not only enjoy the act, but also maintain an emotional connection with him.

    Here are a few tips on how you can do that.

    #1 Communication

    Sex should be something that both of you are enjoying and the best way to do that is through communication. Men aren’t mind readers and it does take two to tango. I want to empower you to take a little more control in your sex life and communicate verbally and non-verbally what you need from him.

    #2 Stroke his ego

    Men love compliments too. Whether we admit it or not, men like knowing that their partner finds them irresistible. Make it a point to flirt with him like you did before you became exclusive! It’s easy to fall into the routine of things and forget to reinforce his position as number 1.

    Tell him that his ass looks good in a certain pair of jeans. Grab him spontaneously and kiss him just because you feel like it. This is going to reinforce the passion you feel for him and make him a little more open to receive your energy.

    #3 Start initiating more

    Make it a point to take the lead. When it comes to sex, a lot of times the person who initiates sets the tone for the encounter. If you are looking for a slow screw versus an all out fuck fest, focus on foreplay. Start off with an intense make out session, explore his body and worship him. Let your actions guide him into fulfilling your needs. He will be more apt to mirror your passion and your energy when you finally get it on.

    I hope these tips help you and your relationship. Give it a shot and let us know how things work out.

    J. Cameron

    J. Cameron Gantt is a Matchmaker and Certified Professional Coach specializing in gay dating and relationships. He is the founder of Insti(Gay)tor, a Chicago-based matchmaking agency for the gay community and has dedicated to his time to helping gay singles find love and live their best gay lives.

    Cameron currently serves as an expert contributor on a variety of dating websites including Yourtango and Singleswarehouse. He also hosts a variety of GLBT singles events in the Chicagoland area. Connect with him on Twitter @instigaytor, Facebook and at
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