What the hell is she trying to do in that picture? Is she trying to mentally get me to buy some crappy book off her club list or something? That's just fucked up.
Ok, for the un-initiated.... Oprah ( or as I like to call her, "The Beast" ) and I are in this HUGE war that only I know about. Oh, I have no doubts that she knows well about it too, but she's a damn minion from Hades. A self promoting juggernaut. I'm pretty sure she sold her soul to be where she is on this planet and therefore only *I* am able to care and put feeling into this epic battle. Besides, she's too busy telling Gayle King to get a whiff of her farts and ordering her to say they smell like roses as always to care about me anyways. In related news..... that's some pretty strong lesbian love to whiff Oprah farts and not mind. Amazing what money will do to some people, huh? *tsk*
Where was I? Oh yeah.... The Beast is talking crazy again. This time it's not only me who took note, though. THIS TIME an accredited magazine is backing Cunning's shit UP! Yeahhhhhhh. See? I wasn't all imagining it like half of you were thinking. I was so not imagining it that I decided to actually have somebody guest post the opinion for me today. A-HAAAA! A plot twist on all of your sorry asses. Suck it up, 'cuz that's how I roll bitches.
I'm just batshit retarded over Oprah and can't think straight. It all turns into her eventually getting a carrot up her ass and the jolly green giant calling her a ho-ho-ho ( shut up, that shit was funny and you know it). For the actual opinion part, I turn you fine people over to Miss Lilly.
Miss Lilly..... the floor is yours. You have 30 seconds. Preach it, sistah!
Oprah, seems to me, is THE most gullible person on the planet. And has the wealth and ability to then try to spread it around like leprosy.Let's go over some of the shit that this article talks about as being crap on her show that she just raves about like it's the Almighty Miracle Cure. Suzanne Somers (come on, are you kidding me? She thinks Suzanne Frickin Summers is a "medical pioneer"??) and her overdosing of "natural" hormone replacements and 60 - yeah 60 - pills that she takes a day of vitamins and supplements. She also gives herself various injections....including an injection right into her vagina.That's fuckin' crazy, right there. But no, Oprah claims to have tried Suzanne's way of life and the sky is now bluer. Or maybe the excess hormones are making her hallucinate.
There's an ob-gyn who thinks everything is all mystical and related to your soul. And that your soul is trying to speak to you."She has written about how she has used Tarot cards to help diagnose her own illnesses. (On her Web site, she sells her own "Women's Wisdom Healing Cards.")"Oh god. Really? No, seriously? TAROT cards to diagnose your own illnesses?? Shit, sure saves on co-pays! But I don't think the insurance companies will allow "my tarot cards told me I have a brain tumor, I need a CAT scan" as a good enough reason to pay for one.
Gullible. And then when Oprah's mind is wrapped around an idea from a celebrity....damn the torpedo's and full steam ahead! It doesn't appear that any common sense or medical sense research is really done to give both sides - expert doctors who might join in aren't given a fair shake to say their "You're fuckin crazy, bitch" side of things. And then....after Oprah has said "I did it, this is THE BOMB and you should too!!" somebody does it and sooprise soooprise has an adverse reaction. And they blame Oprah. Oprah's response is then to backtrack and say she didn't mean to come across that way, no no, you should always consult your doctor and it was just her opinion! I'm sorry but I've lost respect for the women who watch her show and believe everything they hear on it.
Holy shit.... Lilly's pissed, huh? I see quotation marks and exclamation points all over the place. I admit I only focused on the parts where it said vagina injections and pussy tarot cards but that's kinda what I do. You come to me for the smut and places like CNN for facts that makes sense. Fortunately, I'm smart enough to get a person in here this time to make sense of what I'm ranting about. Well done, Lilly.
So there it is boys and girls. Now even Newsweek is on my side. Uh? Uh? Do I see the Oprah armor cracking? Yes, I believe I do. I'm wearing her down and people are gaining in my new Anti-Oprah World Order ( registered trademark pending). Oprah's going DOWN! Gayle I'll keep though. I need a good fart sniffer on the payroll. ;)
11 comments:
Cunning, you're a lazy-assed motherfucker. You miss some real good entertainment when you skip lines and "skim". Knew you'd pick up on the vagina injections though. Bet you had a real nasty-pervy daydream for a minute there about ole' Suzanne.
It's alright. You're still my favorite. But don't tell the other kids.
And you're welcome. I do class up the place, huh? ;)
Like I said.... you don't go to CNN for sexual harassment, and you don't come here for the real news. I think everybody knows what they're getting themselves into when they click to come here,lol.
Thanks again for verbalizing what I was thinking. Well, you know. What I was thinking inbetween all of the perverted stuff.
Good to see you blogging more Cunning. And good to see Lilly giving you shit again too.
You might need to take a...herbal remedy... to calm the hell down after that post!
Exclamations and quotations everywhere, man you must have been pissed....what were you talking about again?
...exclamations and quotations...sounds like a RHCP song...well, they based their entire career on words that rhyme with those, it seems to me...
i only focused on those parts two. she's lost the plot.
No one can keep it up forever... not even Oprah.
She should have had Tyra direct that photoshoot. Then she'd know how to smile with her eyes.
KIDDING.
First thing I thought when I saw that photo is Oprah is about to spread someone's cheecks and blow!
Oh my, Cunning. Can't leave you alone for a day, hmmm? You start lashing out at entertainment actors with wayyyyy too much money.
I've found that life is much better than television; and with all the ungratifying crap they throw in our faces, it's easy to see why you wouldst get so upset, deary.
I know what you need: A hot, busty, semi-nekked, horny-as-hell Psycologist with a penchant for making her clients feel "much better".
It would go something like this:
Psycologist with Fakey french accent: 'Hmm... yes, yes, you are feeling "anger" towards thees "Oprah", no?
Thees woman, she makes the blood boil, yes? Eef you are too warm, you should just feel thees comfort to take the eh-shirt off, yes? Ees ok. I listen. I would recommend-ed not watching her, to avoid unnecessary stroke, yes? Ees, ok, I just undo zee-per here, ok? And perhaps you will needs a good stroke too, yes? Mmmm.'
Ah, yes. That would be a great job to have... um, eh... what were we talking about again?
Wowzers ~ What was Laurel without Hardy after all?
Abi ~ I don't do herbal anything just because I hate hippies so much.
Junkie ~ There's a plot other than I hate Oprah?
LiLu ~ Is it me who only ever noticed...... Oprah has those crazy doll eyes, right?
Folk ~ Maybe the big O wants to toss folks' salad, eh?
Tehk ~ *I* need the head shrink? I'm not the one who just went off on a french psychologist fantasy here ya know. yeesh
Hey, I think we could all use that kind of counseling.
I secretly hope Oprah gets an STD.
Like one that smells so no more guests want to come on her show.
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