My Buddy Jesus

Do ya think if Jesus were around today he would be a blogger? I'm thinking maybe yes. He'd have to get the "good word" out somehow, right? Of course he would have tribulations and everyday gripes. I think it's only natural that he'd come on to the blog-side and spew about. Pardon me for saying, but I think he'd get quite testy and you might even see him take his own name in vain to get his point across. I have no doubt he'd be insightful and humorous. Equal measures of kind and snarky. He'd be the ultimate blogger, no?

Well, I have news for you, kids. It's pretty safe to say that 'ol Uncle Cunning knows people who know people. Jesus happens to be one of them. I talked to him about this all and he said it'd be cool if I wrote about him so long as I didn't post any links. No, no. It's true. I can't go into specific detail of him but I am allowed to say these things. He's not at all that much different from you or I. Actually, he's pretty much a stoner living in the 'burbs making his way through life one day and paycheck at a time. Sure, his dad is who he is and he keeps getting chased around by Jehovah's Witnesses. But that's all part of the deal. Here, let me post a few things I found on his blog to show you how down to earth he is. I'll just include the titles and some of the things he said that made me chuckle.

Just a slob like one of us ............. " and whoever the heck told her that I wanted a song written about me? Oh great, now I'm a slob? Who does she think she is? I swear if she didn't sell her soul out already for that dumb one-hit-wonder I'd make sure she goes straight to the 7th level. Where does she get off? Satan has a twisted sense of humour to make that part of the deal, you know. Last heaven/hell mixer he walks up behind me and lifts up my robe in front of mother Theresa. Totally NOT cool, dude. You try explaining to a woman from Calcutta that you just came out of the pool and you're usually not that way"

I just want to sleep late ONE lousy time .............. " I just don't get it. I'm half asleep. I walk to the door with crust in my eyes. I answer the door and I get blank stares. Can you Jehovah Witnesses PLEASE stop this insane door to door knocking on Sundays to ask if somebody has seen me and accepted me. I get it. I'm him. Recognize it and then move on. Maybe even say "Sorry, we didn't know it was you" at least. Instead I get these stares like expressionless 2nd graders when the teacher explains grown up things. Hello? Son of God. Savior of blah blah blah? I'm him. I'm the guy. You JUST messed up my whole stupid day and now I get blank stares for it in return. I so can't wait until I'm gone and THEN come back. You people are SO toast"

One bad movie after the other ............. " You see, I wasn't always just "nothingness" until I came here. You people have to realize that I've been around for a long LONG time. Up there I was a teacher. I really liked my job until daddy-o re-assigned me on this whole temp thing. But of course I'd be remiss to tell you all it was all fun and games for son of the Alpha and Omega. I recall this one time I had Will Ferrell and Adam Sandler in fourth grade. These two should NOT have been put in the same class, but there they were. They were pretty controllable until they decided to discover spit-balls one day. Well let me tell you, THAT was the end of that. I can only take so much. I'm not going to go into a whole tirade of dragging them down to the Principal's office. But suffice to say you at least know why now they make the movies they make. Now, I know you guy's aren't supposed to remember up there when you come down here but I swear to you he does somehow. How else would explain that whole baby Jesus tirade in that dumb racing movie he had a few years ago. In the same light.... Brad Pitt. Great student. Need I say more?"


You see how that guy is? Totally down to earth and reasonable. He just seems like a normal guy to me. He's got some other great posts about co-workers chewing like horses and losing his parking spot to a Nun and not being able to do anything about it. But I won't go copying and pasting his whole deal from there to here. I just thought it would be neat for us all to see that no matter who your dad is, no matter what you do for a living, we're all essentially the same. Just squirrels trying to get a nut in this world. Have a good holiday weekend everybody!