My Penis, My Friend

Yet another of my infamous posts from the previous blog. This should help the women understand and realize what a special relationship we have with our best friend, the penis.

Ok... as you all well know, I don't post regularly. It's not like I'm not near a computer every day. I just don't see it necessary to bore you all with every nuance and detail about my everyday goings on in life. I'm pretty sure I could put three really good posts a day together and maybe one will entertain you to no end. I'm pretty sure if I put effort into this I can link pictures and youtube videos and make this all slick as well. Do you need to hear about my revelations dealing with fat free sugar free ice cream? I don't think so. You need me to link a video that you've no doubt seen a hundred times for a chuckle? Nope, we don't need no stinkin' video's here either. Why don't I put in the time or effort into any of this, you ask? Let me introduce you to somebody near and dear to my heart.

My Penis.

You heard me right. Men will no doubt understand what I'm talking about here. Women will be mystified and no doubt have images of me typing with one hand on my penis. *takes hand off penis*. Ok, maybe you're right but I tell you what, my penis is my best friend. This will be a tough concept to understand for you women folk, but the penis is man's best friend ever ever EVER in his whole life. A man will die for the honor of another. Go ahead and ask him to cut off his penis and live though. See? We just won't do it. Women have about 30 best friends in their life from beginning to end. A guy has one or possibly two. The first one being his penis. Let me show you for a moment how the penis process works for us and perhaps you can understand.

me : Wow, this looks like a good car and priced with value in mind.
penis : is there a possibility of us getting laid with it?
me : I dunno. Possibly.
penis : We must buy this car then.

See how it works? We pass EVERYTHING by our penis for judgement. Purchases. Outings. Vacations. Getting coffee. You name it. You think I'm kidding? Take another look...

me : Let me just pop on the computer here and have a look at some work related issues.
penis : Uhm... what are you doing?
me: I'm going to look at some things dealing with work. Maybe post a blog about the fat chick I saw ordering fat free sugar free ice cream today with a grocery bag full of twinkies and then...
penis : Whoa whoa whoaaaaaa.... you know there's free porn a click or two away, right? We need to see some porn. Here, let me do the clicking for you.
me : but I have things to do and I'm gonna be late for the....
penis : Look. Do you wanna see Halle Berry's tits and maybe download some pirated music or not?
me : I've already seen the tits and have gigs worth of music.
penis : Have you seen Phoebe Cate's tits recently? You know we love Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
me : OK, ya got me. I'm a sucker for tits from a teen angst comedy during my puberty years.
** 3 hours pass by and much clicking ***
me : ha ha ha ha ha ha..... is that a 2 foot dildo glued to him or his penis? I can't tell. Click and see if we can find a different angle on the whole thing.
penis : I own you.

You see how it all works now, folks? I start going to ebay to look for a part I need or a chemical coating site for new methods in my industry. Before I know it I'm spending hours on the Internet typing porn bloopers into Google search engines. I'll be damned if I know exactly how it gets to that, but it gets there. At least you know why I don't blog every day. It's not that I don't have a myriad of interesting stories to tell you. I guess I just get sidetracked is all. The guys reading will understand. The ladies will no doubt look at me strangely and shake their heads.

Now if you'll all excuse me. I feel the need to do a search for "Cheerleaders who crave sex from 30-something fat hairy guys". Wish me luck.

That post is about a year old and not a damn thing has changed. I still check in with my penis on a minute by minute basis to see if everything is allright. So far, so good. Penis my old friend, you've never let me down. Of course, I'm still looking for that cheerleader with the 30-something fat hairy guy fetish. 3 billion women on this planet, she's gotta be out there somewhere.